Loose connections create well-being and belonging
Small talk creates connections.
My mom is 90 and refuses to try online banking.
This is a woman who rode a horse to school, but she’s no Luddite. She worked full-time until she was 80 and is quite proficient with her laptop.
When I showed her how easy it is to deposit a check with my phone, she was amazed but replied, “I like people more than machines.”
I saw this preference in action when I drove her to the bank one afternoon. The moment we entered the lobby, we were greeted with an enthusiastic “Hi Adele!” from the lady at the information desk.
After the two of them exchanged brief pleasantries, my mom smiled and said, “I’m here to see Andrew.”
As we entered a small office, a tall, lanky man stood and shook our hands. Andrew and my mom immediately launched into stories about what was happening in each of their lives.
When they finally got to the meeting’s topic, my mom’s investments, that exchange was shorter than their personal banter.
As the meeting ended, Andrew got up, walked my mom to the door, then bent down and gave her a hug.
“See you next time,” he said warmly.
What Are Loose Connections?
This scenario was much different from my own annual trip to the bank, which has never involved hugging anyone.
Then again, I don’t interact with people like my mom does, an approach that studies sometimes call “loose connections.”
These are the interactions we have with both strangers and those we’d consider more acquaintances than friends. The exchanges can be minimal: a hello, a thank you, a conversation about the weather.
It’s small talk, but with a big impact.
Plenty of studies have highlighted the impact of relationships on well-being, which we often think of as enduring, deep connections, but what about day-to-day interactions with acquaintances or even strangers?
A 2023 study led by researchers at Sabanci University in Istanbul, Turkey, analyzed data from more than 3,000 participants to examine the impact of loose connections.
The study used a survey to find out how often participants interacted with casual acquaintances and strangers, then posed a key question:
Overall, how satisfied are you with your life nowadays?
They found that having more casual interactions was associated with greater life satisfaction, even after controlling for variables such as age, income, and relationship status.
The takeaway? Person-to-person interactions, however brief, increase our overall wellness.
Seeing and Being Seen
My mom engages in these interactions wherever she goes: at the grocery store, the pharmacy, and especially while waiting in line. She’s remarked that being older can sometimes feel like being invisible, but I can see that her ability to make small talk has helped her build a network of people who notice her.
To see people and to be seen is part of being human, helping us feel part of something beyond ourselves.
With the modern norm being to stare at our phones and block out the world with our earbuds, essentially donning a cloak of invisibility, how many potential connections just don’t happen?
Seeing how my mom visits the bank and comparing that to my own minimalist approach made me realize that maybe I’m the one who’s missing out.
Choose to Connect
Every day we’re presented with small choices about whether or not to engage with people, and when we’re busy, it can be tempting to stay in our own bubble.
You don’t have to be as chatty as my mom if that’s not your style. Being more engaging can be as simple as choosing the cashier lane instead of self-checkout. Greet them. Ask them how their day is going. Thank them.
Small interactions can impact how connected we feel in the world.
So, see people. Be seen. It matters.
*Originally published on Medium in The Virago.
Keep reading: Want the science behind why relationships matter so much? Read The Research-Based Benefits of Strong Relationships. Inspired by Radha Agrawal’s book on community building? See our review of Belong. And for quick inspiration, watch 5 TED Talks on Human Connection.
